The Secret of the Tea Pot

November surprises me in many ways. I thought all the leaves on the tree would have been gone by now. I expected that there would be more October storms. I thought there would be more grey days. I prepared for them mentally, braced myself in a way.

The other day I really sat with this and looked at why. Did I change? Did life around me change? I guess it’s a bit of both. And is has a lot to do with a teapot.

At the beginning of this year, I planned to create more small moments at the dining table. Just simple; a pot of tea, something to eat and just sit listening to my kids’ stories and observations about their lives. At first it was during dinner. After a few weeks I tried to add more moments to that, like tea after school.

And mind you, those moments aren’t like you see in the Hallmark movies! The conversations at times are brutal, unpolished, raw and sceptic. But also funny, curious and warm. I’m challenged to sit there and let it happen, not trying to fix things. Or to sooth their emotions or (this is the most dangerous one) tell them how they should go about the situation!

I surely wasn’t successful holding on to this strategy all the time, but I didn’t fail 100% either. So what did I learn? What did it bring?

It brought honesty…

About our individual lives and the way we relate to each other. Also, the way I thought their lives “worked”, if you get what I mean. The rules that applied when I grew up, don’t apply anymore. School, friends, teachers, work… Their generation lives in parallel words from mine. What works for me doesn’t work for them. At all. And I’ve learned that by listening to them, asking questions and letting them speak their minds unfiltered.

This took me a while to get there, honestly. At first I automatically went into full mama-mode. And when you’re dealing with smart and able teenagers, this is a mistake. And they will let you know too! (It’s brutal to being called a “Boomer” when you’re Gen X)

So this is when fireworks at times occur. No fights, but heated discussions that feel uncomfortable and a bit too confrontational at times.

In that moment, you take a sip of that big cup. You can’t speak with your mouth full of tea. And it’s a good thing too. Don’t react. You need to learn how to listen before you learn to reply.

Over the last few months, I’ve gotten so much better at it and my kids have gotten better at getting their point across more clearly. And this is gold!

Ofcourse the heated discussions don’t occur all the time. Mostly it’s just a lot of fun, listening to their stories about their day. When it’s just life. No lesson, nothing that needs changing and I don’t feel the need to do or fix anything.

So this teapot turned out to be a bit of a gateway to deeper things in human relationships and all that complicated stuff.

Like I said, it brought all of us honesty. And from that honesty grows acceptance, mutual understanding, a deeper connection and at times, even some inner peace.